Jim Collins: Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap... and Others Don't
Linda Kaplan Thaler: The Power of Nice: How to Conquer the Business World With Kindness
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Tom Morris: True Success: A New Philosophy of Excellence
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The Arbinger Institute: Leadership and Self Deception: Getting Out of the Box
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Henry Cloud: Integrity: The Courage to Meet the Demands of Reality
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Thomas V. Morris: The Stoic Art Of Living: Inner Resilience And Outer Results
James C. Hunter: The World's Most Powerful Leadership Principle-How To Become a Servant Leader
One thing you get a lot of in dental practices is people. And along with those people come personalities. Lots of different personalities. When I say, "How are you?", I'm really wondering, what personality type you are and whether or not you're aware of how you are. Personality traits make people unique, but they also make them confusing to others. Understanding personality types can help you get along better with your patients and co-workers. Rather than being frustrated or wondering why someone is acting in a certain way, you can understand why they are different than you, and accept that they are different, but not necessarily wrong. Knowing yourself might help you interact with others more effectively.
Without this understanding, an extrovert might find an introvert to be a snob, while the more reserved person may find his outgoing co-worker to be an annoying loud mouth. Realizing that they are just being who they are, may allow you to enjoy the difference and find ways to make it work for you.
We need all types to make a great team. A person who feels comfortable taking action may help a thinker get going. The thinker might save the action oriented person from jumping in too soon. Look for the meaning behind the things you don't understand. The worrier may just care a lot. The indecisive staff member may just care very much about doing a good job. We all came to be the way we are from all the things we've been through. It's worth it to take the time to care about how other people are.
It's a matter of respect. If you respect the other person, try to see things from their perspective and then make a decision that makes good things happen, you are using the best of everyone to achieve success.
Understanding personalities helps when you deal with your patients, as well. You may have a patient that seems so pushy that no one can stand him. When his name comes up on the schedule eyes roll and the groaning starts. But, wait a minute. Ask yourself, "How is he?" Maybe he's a controller. He wants to know everything you're doing and he may even want to tell you how to do it. The guy has no dental background other than being a patient so how can he tell you how to do anything. Take a minute and think about why he may be how he is. He may be extremely nervous. Telling you what to do and how to do it, may make him feel like he's got some control. If you listen and try to hear what he's whispering under all that shouting, you may be surprised to find yourself feeling compassion for him. He may even become one of your favorite patients. All because you took the time to find out how he is.
Some people call it atmosphere, some call it a vibe, but what you feel when you enter a place where any group gathers regularly is the culture of that place. The culture is a reflection of the attitudes and intentions of the people that work there. Those attitudes and intentions are formed by the vision and focus of the leader.
What culture have you inspired in your practice? It's not enough to say that you want a professional atmosphere. We've all been in practices where the staff was extremely professional, but as cold as ice. While patients may feel like the clinical procedures in a place like this would undoubtedly be carried out with precision, they are left wanting more. People want to walk into a place that feels good. They'll let you know it when they feel it, too.
People want to work in a place where they feel connected. They need to build that, though. Do you sit down at staff meetings and talk about how you want your practice to be? Or do you just hope for the best? Are you always addressing the same issues and are the same arguments regularly recycled? You can make it stop. It's not easy at first. It takes guts to stand up in front of a group and state your beliefs and your vision, and to ask others to adopt a new attitude. Sometimes, people will decide that don't want to go along with you and they choose to move on. That's ok. People who do want to be a part of something really good will show up to take their place.
When a team works together in a culture of caring and excellence everyone benefits and notices. You can build a culture that you love. You'll look forward to going to work every day and you'll enjoy your time off more. When you have it, you'll appreciate and protect it. And so will everyone else.
Working with patients demands a certain demeanor and attitude from professionals. Patients come to us with their own fears, anxieties and problems. We must see through whatever attitude they are presenting and give them what they need from us.
What happens when the professional is dealing with heartache? How does she/he carry on and give all day long? How can we as managers, bosses or co-worker's respond in a way that shows we care and that helps get the person through the day?
We are currently experiencing three heartaches in our practice. The first was the break-up of a relationship that everyone thought would lead to marriage. The other two are life-threatening illnesses of loved ones.
I think, that as a manager, you have to take the personality of the staff member into account. You must weigh what she needs to help her make it through the day as opposed to what she may desire in response to her situation. In the break-up situation, I was very sad for the staff member, but I also realize that she tends to be dramatic. In this case, empathy (I'm right in there with you and I feel what you feel) would have been a disaster. She would have cried all day. Instead, sympathy (I know you're sad and I'm sorry you're suffering) followed by a dose of reality (you have to do what you can to put your sadness aside while you're working) was the ticket. She came to me and said that it was a relief to get away from her sadness and focus on her patients.
The next is an employee whose husband is going through his third cancer diagnosis in 6 years. She's terrified and she needs time off. This is a person who sees coming to work as an opportunity to escape her problems for eight hours so she doesn't need a pep talk from me. I have to look at her situation from many different angles. What she needs most is to be able to set the tone. She doesn't want to be fussed over. She also needs security. In a perfect world, we would say take all the time you need, your paycheck will keep coming and your job will be waiting. In reality, her job will be waiting, but we may have to be creative about the paycheck. Trying to reschedule her patients into openings in the same month keeps our production unaffected and may help. Our other hygienist is willing to work Friday mornings without pay so there's more help. Hopefully, the hygienist herself will be able to at least work part time. If any of you reading this have dealt with a similar situation I'd love to hear about how you handled it.
Finally, the last situation is my own. My older brother has been diagnosed with melanoma of the lung and esophagus. I'm heartbroken, but I also have my responsibilities from day to day. I realized that, at first, I was angry since this guy has beaten cancer twice before. He's supposed to be a survivor and he's proved it. So, it doesn't seem fair to hit him harder than ever before. The day after I found out, I went into work and saw that some stock had been very carelessly put away. It was one of those, "Oh, that's good enough" moments of carelessness on someone's part that I usually would have just addressed and moved on. This time I let all my frustration with "Just good enough", come to the surface in our staff meeting. It was a good thing and a bad thing. They needed to know that they were slipping in some areas, but that's not the way I usually communicate with them. I needed to realize that I should address issues sooner so that it doesn't build up waiting for a weak moment to explode. I also needed to let them know what I was dealing with so that they have the opportunity to give support. So, for my own heartache, I can take a moment to ask myself if I'm reacting from my own pain or are my impressions justified, and take my own advice. I don't dwell on it while I'm at work. When the pressure builds, I look for an opportunity to take a walk. I did that the other day, and had a good cry while I was at it, and came back to work composed and de-stressed.
Life happens, good and bad, happy and sad. We have to go through it all. We can help others along the way, we can accept help and we can help ourselves with deciding that we are strong and that as our heartaches increase the strength will come that we need to get through it. I don't know any other way.
Think about the patient that you dread seeing on the schedule. The one that you know will say something obnoxious before you finish washing your hands. You know who I'm talking about. She's the one that makes your staff groan and does nothing but complain, gripe and whine. Every time they come in you wish they would just decide to find a new dentist.
Why are you putting up with them? If you really think about it there are so few patients in a practice that act that way. Most people are really nice and appreciate what you do. These are the bottom 10% or less of your practice. You'd be much better off without them. I talk about the fact that patients are in a vulnerable position when they are in the dental office. Let's face it, you're poking them with needles and there's lots of other sharp, ominous looking torture devices, I mean instruments, lying around. And they have to open up their mouth and let you in with them. Talk about a leap of faith. On the other hand, you and your team are pretty vulnerable, too. You're trying to provide the care they came to you for, and you often have to deal with behavior brought on by fear and anxiety. If you make a mistake and hurt a patient, you have a lot at stake. A little grumpiness that is caused by apprehension is not that hard to tolerate. The stress that is brought on by really unpleasant patients is just not worth it.
One nice thing about owning your own business is that you get to decide who you will do business with. You don't have to put up with abuse. It will be ok...really. Let go. Your stomach lining will thank you. Your staff will applaud you. You'll feel your face relax when you finally decide, "He's outta there!"
You've heard the saying, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." haven't you? Well, that may be true but there is a short-cut to unhappiness and it's paved with expectations. The problem with having expecting something from someone else is that we often overestimate what happiness than can bring us. People don't like to have another person weigh them down with expectations that are difficult or impossible to live up to. Even expressing too much admiration for someone can feel oppressive to that person. The expectation is that they must continue at that level of impressiveness.
We all have ideals in our heads. We have the ideal boss, co-worker, spouse, child, friend, etc. We never actually meet that person because people just aren't ideal. They're human and make mistakes and hurt our feelings. They can't read our minds to see what perfect looks like to us, and even if they could, they might not want to or be able to live up to that. So we walk around slightly disappointed in the way things go and the way people treat us.
The answer is to find our happiness within ourselves and accept and celebrate others just the way they are in the moment. They may get better or they may not. That's up to them, not you. If you manage people you can show them ways to improve their performance, but you can only lead them to the solution, you can't make them take action. If your boss doesn't show appreciation in the way you think he should turn that thought around. How would you like it if he expected you to read his mind or behave exactly the way the perfect employee in his mind would act? You wouldn't, you want him to notice your good traits and wave away your bad ones.
Expecting others to behave in certain ways is a recipe for disaster in a relationship. You have to weigh your relationships and decide what can you reasonably ask for and what is something that you need to accept as a part of the other person. The problem with expecting happiness from others is that they are usually completely unaware of what it takes to make you happy. Even if they did know, they may not want to do it. That will lead to resentment and damage to the relationship. Sometimes you just have to relax and enjoy the journey rather than expect everything to be perfect once you arrive. Otherwise you may spend your life on a short-cut to unhappiness.
I didn't keep my promise to try not to overdo the videos as you may have noticed. I rationalize that by telling myself that you don't have to press play if you don't want to see them, so I'll leave it at that. I will spare you the video from rapper Fat Boy Slim that inspired this post. I was listening to it on the treadmill and it reminded me of someone that I am communicating with by e-mail right now. She is in a difficult relationship with her boss and can't see past her hurt and the unfairness of the situation.
All you used to do was put me down
But I found a way to pick myself up off the ground
And all you used to do was criticize me
But now I found the good and I emphasis ya see
Sometimes in relationships with our bosses, managers can feel like they are misunderstood and judged unfairly. Sometimes they are. Sometimes the dentist doesn't see everything that is going on behind the scenes or behind his back. The manager has to swallow that and manage it. One of her duties is to keep it under control and deal with the problems. It may feel good to vent to the dentist, but it only sets her up for criticism. In his eyes, she is the conduit that is bringing this stress to him. He doesn't want to hear it...really. He wants to hear the good. He wants her to create that good.
You would always get so sensitive
And try to turn your transgressions into my guiltiness
But now I'm certain of the way I live
And what I'm responsible for in this twisted game
I think that dentists get sensitive about things because they don't know what the manager expects from them. He thinks that she wants a solution and some kind of action. She probably just wants to get it out, but she needs to find a different way or a different person to vent to. Venting doesn't solve much anyway. It just postpones rational thinking and solution. When the dentist feels backed into the corner, he may react by blaming the manager for her lack of skill in handling things. Does he have a point? Maybe. Figure out what your responsibility is in this situation and get going.
That life is too short to be unhappy
And since I know what I'm worth there'll be no settling for dirt
Knowing what I deserve is gold
If I want diamonds then I can't settle for coal
Life is too short to be unhappy. In this situation, you're not the only one who's unhappy. Neither one should settle for dirt, both should look for a way to find the diamonds in the coal. If you can't get a response from the other person, then mine your own diamonds. Start by approaching problems with solutions. Possibilities are going to get you farther than recriminations.
Sometimes I think maybe we'll patch it all up
Like a favorite pair of jeans that you won't give up on
Or maybe one of these arguments will make up
And start again like when we started this up
Back when everything was fresh
And every moment a blessing
I'd laugh at all of your jokes
You'd listen to my suggestions
One mind, one soul,
With common destination
Now we can't help but fight over the direction
What do arguments signify in a relationship at work? It could be a power struggle. Or a completely different way of viewing the world. There comes a point when you can't put one more patch on those jeans. No one can tell you when that time comes. It's when you decide that they've outlived their value to you. Are relationships the same? Some are. It depends on whether there's enough good value to outweigh the bad feelings and disappointments. You can't go back to the time when everything was new in a relationship, just like you can't make old jeans new again. Here's the saving grace. You wouldn't want to. That would wipe out all the things that made the relationship worth fighting for and the jeans worth hanging on to for so long. In time you learn that there is no such thing as one mind or one soul. We each filter every thing that happens to us differently. We don't see it exactly the same. But, here's the good part, we can have a common destination. We can learn to save a relationship by looking down a path together and agreeing to work in a way that will get us there. In many relationships people agree on where they want to end up, but then they keep pushing each other off the side of the path on the way so they can get there just a little ahead. When you figure out how to walk in step with someone and you find yourselves adjusting your pace just a little to accommodate the other, you'll know that you have decided that the relationship is worth the work of finding the right rhythm and pace to get where you want to be. Together.
Sorry Fat Boy Slim. I hope I didn't ruin your rep by using your rap on a dental blog.
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