Exceptional Dental Practice Management

Righteousness or Relationship

We've all been there.  We get into a verbal scuffle with someone and before we know it all hell has broken loose.  It's not what we were looking for when we uttered the first word, but all of a sudden, we're in the thick of it.  Tempers have flared, angry words have been discharged and with equal amounts of shock, dismay and anger you realize that it's all turned into something you never intended or expected it to.  Now, both parties awkwardly extricate themselves and retreat to access the damage inflicted to themselves and to consider the pain they caused the other.  How did it all happen, and how can I be vindicated?  After all, I'm right, aren't I?  And what will the other person ever be able to do to make it up to us?  The scene has been set for drama and a long drawn out misery.

It doesn't have to be that way.  Yes, people will always have misunderstandings and they will say things in the heat of the moment that they don't mean and wish they could erase.  It often seems that those are the things we are determined to store in the formaldehyde of our mind and preserve forever, ready to bring them out to examine at every next stressful opportunity.  Here's what we can do instead.  We can simply get over it.  We can look at the other person and see the innocence and love in their eyes.  We can see the hope that we will be generous with our forgiveness and place more importance on all the good that we have experienced with them.  We can embrace their humanity and forgive and go.  We don't have to be right.  We can push the bad feelings away and respect the relationship.  We don't have to go through days of strangeness, discomfort and we can just be how we've always been with each other. 

We all work in a profession that brings a certain amount of stress with it.  We will have misunderstandings, we'll say hurtful things, we'll disagree and we'll argue.  Make it your mission to let normal back in as soon as possible.  It's easy, just do it.  Wipe the hard words out of your mind and chalk it up to one of those things.    Your day will be so much better and someone will be grateful to you.

Balance Your Life For Success

I'm still here, I haven't been hit by the bus that my boss fears will get me.  I've just been busy working and working out.  My husband and I are getting ready to go to Hawaii for our 30th anniversary at the end of May and I want to lose a few and tighten up what remains.  We've been busy at work, too, and we all know that's a good thing.

I started to realize the other day that I've achieved more balance in my life.  I used to be all about my job.  I had a lot of worries regarding work a few years ago and they infiltrated every area of my life.  I talked about work all the time, I worked on work when I wasn't working, I thought about my job all the time, and I even dreamed about work.  I am a problem solver and the reality was, I had more problems than I could solve, so I obsessed and unwittingly made more unsolvable problems for myself.  I was trying to succeed with someone who saw the need for my success as his failure, so in essence, we were both doomed to keep up a stressful and distressful working relationship.  It was impossible for me to see that in the moment, so I kept trying to achieve the unachievable.

Luckily for me, things have changed.  I have a new boss who knows that we succeed together.  My good idea does not make his idea weak, there's room for two good ideas.  Hey, it's best when there's a big heap of good ideas to choose from!  My boss encourages me to pursue my other interests, he even tries to find ways for me to have the time to do that.  Wise people know that when people are satisfied in more areas of their life, they work better and happier.  We work collaboratively, bouncing ideas off each other without feeling like mother hens over our thoughts.  We trust the other person to be honest and purposeful in their comments.  We feel excited when things work out, and since we work collaboratively, the origin of the idea is blurred and we can just high five and congratulate each other for success.  He "loves his job", but he has other things in his life that he's just as enthusiastic about.  He spreads that around and it's contagious.  We all pick up that excitement, and it increases our commitment and enthusiasm.

That's how teams work best, too.  So many times I hear managers or dentists sound resentful about their teams desire to get out and go home at the end of the day.  "They don't care like I do." may be the thought.  I think there are times that we can be so frustrated over the problems that need to be solved and the work that needs to be finished, that we can forget that we'll never be finished.  We can tend to feel like martyrs, but we do it to ourselves.  We can only do so much in one day, and at some point we have to shut the laptop, turn off the light and lock the door.  We're done for today.  We've done all we can in this day and now have to turn our attention to the other important things and people in our lives.  I promise you, life goes on whether you're in it or not.  Kids grow up whether you're fully engaged with them, or whether you're listening with half a brain and allowing the other half to ponder work issues.  Spouses, friends and family go on with their lives, too.  Are you with them, or are you still at work?  You can't re-do it, so pay attention now.  You'll end up with the results either way. 

Ask your employees what they do after work, you might be surprised.  They probably have interests you never imagined, or responsibilities you never realized.  Use that information to reward them in the future.  Your assistant likes to mountain bike?  Get her a gift certificate to the cycle shop to thank her for working late on that difficult patient.  Your front desk assistant loves to eat out?  Set a goal for collections and give her a certificate to the great new restaurant that just opened.  You can still bonus people if that's what you do, just add something personal in and watch the engagement soar.  Employees like to know that you see who they are as people.  They want to know that you're interested in them in more than the employee dimension.  When they know that you see them as a mother, wife, sister, friend, etc., they'll also realize that you are more than a boss.  You are a husband and father that needs to support your family.  You're a daughter who helps care for her elderly parents.  They'll see you as another human being who struggles and cares.  They'll be more likely to collaborate with you and share the burdens you shoulder at work.  You may find that they care more than you thought they did, once you let them have a reason.

So, I'm still here, I've just been busy with all the other stuff.  I probably won't post every day, but I'll keep the blog going as long as people want to read it.  I'd love to hear about anything you'd like to see me write about or address.  I don't want this blog to become redundant and there's only so much you can write about managing a dental practice.  Feel free to email me or comment.