Talk Is Useless

Everyone can talk, people do it all the time.  Everyone's talking, but who's communicating?  Think about it, dentists hire consultants and pay them a lot of money to talk at them and their staff.  Dentists talk at their patients and tell them what they need to do if they want to keep their teeth.  Hygienists talk at patients and tell them they need to brush and floss every day.  Staff talk at each other about who isn't doing what they should, who said something they shouldn't have, and the cluelessness of the doctor about the fore-mentioned.

When you talk about problems without looking for a solution, you are complaining.  When you talk about others to anyone but the person involved, you are gossiping.  When you talk at patients about treatment without educating them about their conditions, you are wasting your time and their's.

Talkers talk because they like to hear their own voice, like to hold center stage, like to get reactions, or just don't know the difference between talking and communicating.  Talkers aren't bad people, they better not be, since a majority of us spend a great deal of time talking without really communicating. 

Communicators listen, wanting to hear.  They've learned a better way.  That's right, communication is a learned skill, that's good, it means you can learn it, too.  They ask others what they think and feel about what they are doing together.(1)  They want to improve the work they do together and increase the quality of their relationships.  They strive for honesty and openness and are not afraid to give or receive either.  They speak with an intention to build-up, not break down.  They understand that the growth of the people around them allows for their own growth as well.  They realize that they are all on a journey toward the same destination.When people talk about problems without striving for a solution, they intensify the problem.  Since a solution was not achieved, the problem seems bigger because now two of you recognize it's existence.  As that recognition expands through further talking, it keeps expanding until it seems insurmountable.  More people talking = more convolution = more stress.  Communicating would have put the problem on the table, asked for ideas and more information, leading to different takes on the situation and facilitating brainstorming and finally a solution.  No wringing of hands, no victims, no negativity needed.

When people talk about others to others, they cause pain.  Even if the subject of their gossip never finds out, they cause some amount of pain for themself, because we all know what's right and what's wrong.  Gossipers know they shouldn't have gossiped deep down, and they lose some, even small, measure of self-respect.  The person who hears the gossip feels a loss of respect for the gossiper, even if they enjoyed hearing it.  The victim may notice a difference, but may not be able to put their finger on what it is or the reason for it.  I remember hearing a story as a child about a person who gossips and then goes to confession (I went to Catholic school) and asks for forgiveness.  The priest tells the confessor to tear open a feather pillow and let all the feathers get blown away by the wind.  Then they are told to collect back all the feathers.  "But, that would be impossible, I could never get every single feather back."  The priest replies, "That is how it is with gossip, try as you may, you can never wipe the gossip out of the mind of every single person it will be passed on to."  Something to think about.  Better to go to the person you are concerned with and tell them what you're thinking.  Let them know that you want to understand what they did or said and want to work toward a better relationship.  Don't be embarrassed.  It's less embarrassing than being faced with the discovery of gossip.

When health care professionals talk at their patients about treatment without educating them about their conditions they cheat the patient out of making an informed decision about their oral health care. They cheat the practice out of the opportunity of serving their patient and receiving referrals from a completely satisfied patient.  No one benefits from being talked at.

Think about the phrase, "I'm going to give him a good talking to."  It might as well be "talking at."  We've all been on either end of that talk.  When we're are being talked at about a mistake or bad decision, we feel beaten down, reprimanded, or scolded.  We don't feel much hope and our self-esteem usually takes a hit in the talk.  If you've ever given someone a "good talking to" you know that there is a moment when you think, "Is any of this getting in?"  No, it's not, because you are usually throwing criticism at someone who now feels like a victim and has likely shut down in an effort to protect themselves and salvage some measure of self-esteem.  If you have someone on your team who refuses to be open to communication, maybe you need to communicate the importance of their ability to learn to communicate.  If they can't or won't, they may be wrong for what you are trying to build in your practice.  Give them one final opportunity to succeed by communicating the seriousness of the situation.

When consultants, staff, managers and dentists sit down and start communicating, amazing things will happen.  Areas that need improvement will be correctly and accurately identified, stressors will be revealed and relationships will be examined.  Communication will enable and encourage the development of focus and purpose and align everyone on a journey that will lead to the same destination.  Fractured, damaged or undeveloped relationship will be discussed with an intention toward repair, re-building and strengthening and this will result in cooperation, support and a much higher degree of friendship and satisfaction. 

Talk is useless.  Communication is priceless.  How would great communication improve your practice and make your life more enjoyable ?

(1) If Aristotle Ran General Motors, by Tom Morris

Comments

[chris Ford]

Hi Linda
I want to thank you for giving me such good material for my staff meetings. It seems like every week it's right on to whats going on in our office.We are really pulling it together
since I found this site about a year ago. Our Dr. won't let any
body be the office manager and he just wants to be the
dentist, so you can imagine what goes on around here. Thanks a million.
Chris

[Linda Zdanowicz]

Hi Chris, glad you're finding some ideas here. I'm curious, what is your position in the office. Sounds like you are acting as om, without needing the title. Great leadership on your part. Your dr. is lucky to have you.
Linda

[Anthony]

I completely agree...Consultants talk too much. There are some helpful self-serve practice-building tips for acquiring new patients here… http://dental.mktg-101.com

[alma]

We are about to star a new Practice and I'm trying to find as much informationn as possible.you site has given me a lot of.info and it all makes sense. Thank you very much... I won't to creat a friendly office who cares for our patients....Alma

[Linda Zdanowicz]

Alma good luck with your practice. I'm sure you'll build a caring practice, having the desire to gets you halfway there already. Let me know if you ever have any specific questions that I can help you with.
Linda

[alma]

Thank you, Linda! You probably will be hearing from me againg. I got so much to learnd, so i can give to the practice...

[Emergency Dental]

You are absolutely right, Linda. Many problems arise because of breakdown in communication. Not because they are not "talking". Communication involves much more that just talking.