What's Wrong With You?

"I define comfort as self-acceptance.  When we finally learn that self-care begins and ends with ourselves, we no longer demand sustenance and happiness from others."       ~Jennifer Loudin~

   

So, what's wrong with you, anyway?  Come on, you know you have a list and you're wondering if anyone else notices it, too.  We all have our lists.  It's what you do about it that matters.
    If you manage other people, you get to study human nature in a different way.  People want us to mirror back what we see in them.  My theory is that they want to compare it to what they think they are and see if it's better or worse than they thought it was.
    There's also a "fix me" element to it all.  If you are the manager, and you observe a weakness, well then, it's your job to figure out how to make it better, isn't it?  Wrong.  We can only fix ourselves.  No matter who you are, whether you're the dentist, the hygienist, the assistant, or the person who cleans the office once the rest have gone home, you are your own responsibility.
    That's not to say that we can't help each other along.  As a manager I try to recognize staff member's strengths and weaknesses.  I try to use their strengths in ways that will help the practice and give them satisfaction and confidence.  But, what about the weaknesses?  I notice that people tend to focus on their weaknesses when they don't plan to do anything to change it.  They will keep bringing it up, and I suspect that they do that hoping that I will acknowledge the weakness and tell them it doesn't matter. 
    Well, if it gets in the way of good performance, then it does matter, but whose responsibility is it to work on or around it?  I can only own that weakness in the fact that I must point out how it affects their performance, and make suggestions for dealing with it.  But, I'm not capable of putting a fix into action for them.  They must accept this weakness as a part of who they are, and find a way to work with it. 
    My weakness is impatience.  I'm so impatient for the next day to get here that I sometimes have trouble getting to sleep.  I finally had to realize that if I could just relax and sleep, the next day would seem to get here faster.  I want employees to learn quickly, I want cement to dry faster, I want crown preps to take 15 minutes.  I could drive myself nuts if I tried a little harder.  Waiting for someone to spit out a detailed answer to a question that only required a yes or no could inspire homicidal tendencies.  When I fought my impatience or berated myself for being that way, it made it worse.  It took every ounce of self-restraint not to lurch across my desk and grab someone by the shirt and hiss, "Spit it out already!  Yes OR no!"
That wouldn't have been very nice, would it?  Especially if the offender had been my boss.  I finally accepted that there would always be a little buzz inside of me when having to wait for events or people to move at a fraction of the speed I wished they would.  I try to focus on their expressions and on the words as they arrive.  I resist the impulse to have a little side conversation inside my own head that goes something like this: "Oh, please, just say it.  Who cares about yadda, yadda, yadda.  I have stuff to do.  Please, please, please, just say it."  Good thing I got that under control, because as you might imagine, when I was having that internal dialogue I wasn't hearing much of what was actually being said and that would lead to another problem.  I'd have to ask them to repeat it.  Talk about shooting yourself in the foot!
    I think that employees like to talk about what is wrong with them with their manager for two reasons.  One, they are trying to see if you accept them, warts and all.  Two, they want to hand the problem over to you to fix.  Your responsibility is to let them know what is required of them and how their weakness affects that, and to give them suggestions and offer support.  But, they have to put in the effort to fix, or find a way to work around their weakness.  They have to acknowledge, own and accept it before they can affect it.  So, don't be afraid of looking at whatever is wrong with you.  It's the first step in making yourself better, stronger and happier.