It's easy to be nice to the nice. A sweet patient is a delight. A pleasant co-worker is like a gift from heaven. Everyone wants to be around them and that just reinforces their niceness and the positive response they get. But, what about the curmudgeons, the surly, the shy, the nervous or the just plain grumpy? Who's going to love them?
It requires more from us to be nice to the complainer, the criticizer, the whiner, or the person who's hard to talk to. We have to try harder to have a relationship with them or to get through an hour with them. If we wrap our arms around our own compassion, insight, desire to help, or generosity of spirit and hold it tightly to us, we will always have to "put up" with these people, rather than developing a relationship with them. If you tell yourself, "It's their own fault" and grimly go through your encounter with them with your teeth gritted, you lose as much as they do. If you plan on telling your story of woe at lunch rather than sharing insights you've gained into this patient, everyone misses an opportunity to be better.
The first thing to realize is that initially, you'll have to meet them more than halfway. Some may seem so insulated that you wonder if you have the right to try to penetrate their bubble. Maybe you don't, but that shouldn't stop you from being kind and compassionate. You never know what's getting through, and you may be making a difference that makes all the difference in a lonely life or in someone's recovery from grief or endurance of pain. That's the point, we don't know what's behind their demeanor, we can only respond. I once asked a patient if he was very apprehensive, because he always seemed tense when he was in the office. He looked shocked at the question and I thought I'd made a mistake in asking. He said, "I deal with severe depression every day of my life. It's all I can do to get up and do anything. It has nothing to do with anyone else." I was glad that I asked and from that day on I make an extra effort to be nice and kind to him. He knows I know and I feel the weight of that confidence.
We all have patients that make the staff groan and even do a pretty dramatic death scene when they see them on the schedule. Even the doctor may droop at the thought of an hour in their mouth. They are invariably hard to work on and seem ungrateful for what is being done. You can't control the way they are, but you can decide to bring all you've got to the challenge. Even if they never show you that it means something to them, they may tell others. Even if they don't tell others, you have the personal satisfaction of knowing you did your best for them in every way. The team sees that, too. Anyone can be nice to the nice and love the lovable. The hardest thing is being kind and loving to the curmudgeon. Doing the hardest thing is a true sign of character. It's something I expect from in myself and encourage in our staff. It's what makes a team exceptional.
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