We hear about staff members that don't feel appreciated by doctors and managers, managers who feel alone and defeated, and doctors who think that staff and patients just want to complain and cause problems. Sounds like a desperate stew of human suffering, doesn't it? Well, stew is the operative word here. As in, sitting and stewing, or ruminating about what is perceived to be wrong with everything. If that is the story you're telling yourself, it may be time to write a new story.
Here's why, thinking about it the way you do now, will not only make you angry and depressed, it will give you more of the same. Have you ever heard the advice to take a different way to work a few times a week or to do crosswords puzzles to exercise your brain? That is because doing this creates new neural pathways so that your brain doesn't get stuck in one pattern. If you keep thinking, "My boss doesn't appreciate me", pretty soon it won't matter what he does. Your brain has developed a negative neural pathway that your thoughts will run right back to within a short time. You've told yourself that story so many times, you've actually built a pathway in your brain to accommodate it.
The good news is, you can build new, positive neural pathways, but you have to work at it. Have you ever noticed that things seem to get better for a short time, but never seem to stay that way long? That's your negative pathways drawing your thoughts back into their deeper ruts. So, when you start to become negative again, whoever is responding to you feels that it doesn't matter what they do, you just can't see it or keep it in your mind for long. They stop trying and that reinforces your negativity. If you want to be happy, you have to think yourself happy. And you have to keep it up. You have to build some positive pathways for your thoughts to travel along.
To build these pathways you have to be present with your thoughts as Eckhardt Tolle says in his new book A New Earth. When you find your thoughts are beginning to travel down the same track, tell yourself a new story. What if your boss truly never voices appreciation for what you do? Does that mean he has absolutely no appreciation for you? Maybe it has nothing to do with you and he is thrilled to have someone as competent as you around so he doesn't have to think about all the things you handle? Your story might not be accurate. You may never know if it is or not. It doesn't matter. You can tell yourself your own story. You know you do a good job and you love what you do. Aren't you happy that you found a job that let's you do what you love? Do you really need anyone else to tell you that? Realize that by giving yourself validation and positive feedback, you are in control of your own happiness. You are not dependant on anyone else to make you feel good, and your neural pathways are grooving on that and not on the miserable story you've been re-running for ages.
Creating positive pathways takes some time and effort on your part, but hey, what else do you have to think about? Replace those thoughts about how bad you've got it with something more productive and see how you start to feel. It takes time, don't give up. Keep monitoring the story you are telling yourself and correct negative twists and turns. Build new habits into your day that will help accommodate positive thinking. Ellen Weber, who writes the Brain Based Business weblog, has a helpful post that will give you some new things to try. Read 10 Steps To More Mind Power At Work and try to incorporate her suggestions into your day.
Really think about it and be honest with yourself. Are you telling yourself over and over how bad you've got it? Do you keep finding new examples to prove your point? Are you addicted to thinking this way and to the drama it creates? Don't despair, you create peace in your mind and life. Tell yourself a new story about how good life is. Look for examples to support your new story and that alone will start you focusing on the positive. Isn't it exciting and empowering to know that you alone are in control of how you are going to feel and think every day? Take back your thoughts and send your life in a better direction. What's your new story going to be?
Thanks for the great and motivating post! I fully agree with you. Do check out http://www.subconscious-mind.org, they have a whole host of interesting and helpful articles.
Posted by: mind | February 10, 2008 at 11:06 PM