Regrets

    I've had a few.  We all have at some time or another.  Who couldn't say that there are many things they'd do differently given a second chance.  The dictionary defines regret as a sense of loss, disappointment or dissatisfaction.  I can identify with the sense of loss in regret.  Most of the things I regret make me sorry for the time lost that could have been spent building something better.  Many of my regrets are over things that could have been avoided. 

    One of the worst things about regret is that it can follow you into the future if you allow it to.  Then there are two things to regret.  The troubled past event and the present that is distracted by remorse.  Dragging regret around serves no one and repairs nothing. 

    So how do you work away from the oppressive feelings that can weigh on you and make you wish for one more chance?  Give yourself that chance.  You can't erase the past, but you can close the door on it.  You can agree that whatever hurt or wrongdoing caused the regret  is over and well left alone.  You can move on wiser and determined not to repeat the past or drag it around with you.  Even constant apology is not a great idea.  Every time you apologize anew, you remind the other person of the grievance that you are determined to relieve yourself of guilt over.  Just move on  and do better.  That's all anyone can do. 

    Many times small offices can experience hurts and jealousies, competitiveness and gossip.  Life in a fishbowl can get territorial and feelings get hurt and intentions go awry.  Once the crying's all done, the regret sets in.  Apologize and move on.  Oh, and don't forget to move on without repeating the behavior or the apology is nothing.  Accept apologies, too.  Don't hold grudges hoping that the other person will learn a better lesson if you don't let them off too lightly.  Accept them with all their faults and human flaws.  Remember, a relationship that survives a hurt and moves on must have a certain amount of value and importance to both people to endure the pain.

After I wrote this I read Dr. Tammy Lenski's article about letting go of unresolved conflict here.  This is an excerpt of the article that recounts a story that former president Bill Clinton relates about Nelson Mandela's release from prison:

“Mandela made a grand, elegant, dignified exit from prison and it was very, very powerful for the world to see. But as I watched him walking down that dusty road, I wondered whether he was thinking about the last 27 years, whether he was angry all over again. Later, many years later, I had a chance to ask him. I said, ‘Come on, you were a great man, you invited your jailers to your inauguration, you put your pressures on the government. But tell me the truth. Weren’t you really angry all over again?’ And he said, ‘Yes, I was angry. And I was a little afraid. After all I’ve not been free in so long. But,’ he said, ‘when I felt that anger well up inside of me I realized that if I hated them after I got outside that gate then they would still have me.’ And he smiled and said, ‘I wanted to be free so I let it go.’ It was an astonishing moment in my life. It changed me.”