Exceptional Dental Practice Management

Introducing Sophia Emory

How did I miss out on introducing you to my new granddaughter Sophia?

The Four Destroyers of Communication

"Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible - the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family."               ~Virginia Satir~

Communication can be the make it or break it point in a relationship, whether personal, or professional.  It can determine whether an acquaintanceship progress to friendship, whether a business relationship becomes a partnership, and it can enhance or destroy any of them.  

The problem is, we don't always see what we are doing, how we are affecting the other person, what their take is on us, or even that we might be wrong.  Sometimes, the other person has to knock us over the head, or dump us on our head to make us look at what we're doing.  If there ever was an Aha! moment, that's one.  The moment we realize that we've jeopardized a friendship, a job, a relationship...maybe something that means the world to us and we've just wiped it away.  Because we had to be right; we were so sure we were right.

Words can be great and I love the way you can put them together and make an ordinary statement have more power, excitement, and meaning.  Unfortunately, used the wrong way, words also have the power to make a negative, critical statement more stinging and wounding.  One thing to remember is this: a nice positive statement is nice at the moment, but starts dissipating as time goes on and must be reinforced with consistent kindness and nurturing.  A negative, hurtful statement sticks and keeps on giving.  One positive statement does not wipe out the impact of a negative one, sorry, it doesn't work that way.  People can accept praise and kindness as their due because we all want to be treated that way.  But, you're foolish to think you can wound with words and get the same dissipation of the effect.  We flinch from hurtful statements and once hurt, we examine them, roll them around in our minds and protect ourselves from more injury by attacking back, or becoming defensive.  The experience subtracts from any good will that has been built up in an increased proportion and makes it harder for trust to be rebuilt.  

I want to help you avoid the pain and anguish that accompanies the 4 following communications destroyers.  If you don't listen, you can't complain, because I'm telling you, as usual, from personal experience.  

1. Criticism - to find fault with; point out the fault of.                                 What's not to love about that?!  It's so easy to fall into the habit of criticizing.  We tell ourselves that we're trying to help.  We can see what's wrong and we just want to fix it.  Really?  Are you sure?  Maybe you just want to be smarter.  Maybe you have to make the other guy wrong so you can be right, and therefore better.  I don't think anyone actually thinks that, but we don't consider that it may be the effect on the other person.  Whenever we start a sentence with words like, "You don't...You never...I want...I feel"; we may be getting ready to unleash some nastiness.  Better think about how it's going to sound to the other guy, and how it will make him respond.  You can turn an angel into a devil by making her feel that you don't think she's good enough, smart enough, or capable enough.  And pretty soon, she's going to turn around and stick the pitchfork you forced upon her right between your ribs.  So cool it with the criticizm.  When you think something needs to be different, address the problem, not the person.  And cool down first, temper leads nowhere good.  If the problem is serious, it will still be there, and you'll be more rational about it if you wait and take the emotion out of it.  The fiery Italian side of me gets me in trouble every time.  That's right, I'm blaming the Italians.  Only kidding, I take full responsibility for my actions, regardless of my heritage.
2. Defensiveness - devoted to preventing or resisting aggression or attack; or the attempt to keep an opponent from scoring in a game or contest.                                                                                      Sometimes defensiveness is a result of getting kicked too many times, as in the case of dealing with a criticizer.  Sometimes it's just a way of not hearing what we don't want to hear.  If we react strongly enough, the other person will give up and we don't have to worry about losing a point, but often it is a mechanism to prevent injury.  When we see someone being defensive in response to us, we should first look at ourselves.  How are we talking the that person?  Are we neutral in stance, expression and word?  If not neutral, are we non-threatening?  Sometimes, even excitement about an idea can be threatening to someone who doesn't necessarily share our excitement.  Better to approach things evenly, and let excitement build together.  
3. Contempt - the act of despising; a lack of respect or reverance               Oh boy, if you find yourself here, you've got some real repair work to do.  Contempt doesn't happen overnight, it comes from repeated injury and insult.  It's painful to be on the receiving end, but consider what it would be like to be at the point where you feel that way.  You've probably gone through a lot, and now you're sick of it.  Contempt keeps more hurtful experiences away because it keeps the person causing the pain away.  If you've caused someone to hold you in contempt the only way to fix it is to prove that you see what caused the problem and that you won't do it again.  Once the contempt starts to heal, you can work together on building a new way of interacting.    
4. Stonewalling - to refuse to comply or cooperate with.                             Have you pushed it this far?  I'll bet you wish you could just have whatever it is you said, or did back again, because you would never have said or did it if you knew this would happen!  The problem is, it wasn't that last stupid thing you said or did, it was everything that built up to the breaking point.  We think we have all the time in the world to change, to get in a better mood, or to figure out better communication skills, but we don't.  And we never know exactly where the tipping point will be.  Again, tincture of time and changing your behavior is the only way to break down the walls you helped build.  Wait, be considerate, and do your work in peace.  Consistency will hopefully help the walls come down.  

So, if you've already messed up, you'll probably have to suffer while you wait for healing.  If you are on your way to a mess, stop it already!  You'll end up sorry and you'll hurt someone.  Our experience of life is a result of the choices we make about the things we can control.  We must pay attention to our words and actions because it's really all about relationships.  You can have all the money, possessions or vacations you want, but if your relationships are not right, you won't be happy.

 

Deconstructing Dental Practice Management - Lesson 1

Is it me, or has managing staff gotten more difficult?  I'm not talking about seasoned staff that have been with the practice for a long time, but new staff.  To me it seems that a new staff member should come to work, ready to be taught what they need to know.  In recent years, new staff seem to feel that the practice should come to a halt while the manager tries to figure out how they learn and then adapt her style of teaching to each new individual staff member.  In these days where you'd think people would be glad to get a job, I find more and more people willing to flip you the bird over any small struggle and go back to being unemployed.  Ok, that's my rant, thanks for listening.

So, what's a manager to do?  I want to take a look at what good managing entails.  Here's lesson one, and it's all about ego, your's and theirs.

1. Your ego - check it at the door.  That's right, but be honest, it isn't easy.  Hey, you're in charge, you must be right all the time.  Wrong.  You are supposed to lead, not boss people around.  Staff is going to disagree with you sometimes.  You probably won't like it, and they may even be wrong; but they may be right and you need to know it.  You have to hear them out, weigh their opinion, and then whether or not you use their suggestion, you have to make sure they felt that their opinion mattered and was appreciated.  And you should find a way to appreciate it because at least they're engaged in some way.  If their purpose is self-serving, you, as a leader, have an opportunity to show them how to turn it out and serve others.  Then you've made a difference.
2. Sometimes you'll be uncertain.  That's ok, you're human, and it's good if you can admit it and ask for input.  That makes you approachable and helps you gain influence with the staff.  Then they follow you because they want to, not because they're afraid not to.
3. When ego gets in the way of good decision making ideas are blocked and mistakes and problems occur.  If you can't admit you're wrong, you can't prevent or repair mistakes.  You must be able to admit you're wrong when you are.  You have to accept responsibility.  You have to admit that sometimes a team member may be better at something than you are and be willing to delegate that something to them. You have to lead with your hands open, rather than holding all of the control of everything tightly in your fist.  You have to train your staff so well that you can trust them to do things well.
4. Their ego - work with it.  People want to feel important and valued.  They want praise.  They want to be accepted as they are.  They want respect.  Give, give, give.
5. Praise in public, correct in private.  You've heard it before, be sure you follow it.  An employee will never forget it if you embarrass them in front of their peers.  You could hand them a $100 bill every day and they'd still remember how you made them feel.  Don't do it.
6. Really listen to them when they are talking to you.  If they have a complaint, really hear and understand it and let them know you do.  If they have an idea, bounce it around with them, it may be a really good one.  If you don't have time right then, schedule a time later that same day. 
7. Make sure that they know what they need to know to do their job well. Don't hold back any detail that will help them shine, even if you think that it will help them do it better than you can do it.  Take pride in helping them get there, but give them the credit.
8. Nip bad attitudes in the bud.  Building people up doesn't mean that anything they put out there goes.  Be firm, be fair, but be straight with them.  The attitude needs to go.
9. Don't play favorites.  Yes, there's always an employee that will do more, be easier, smile faster, but if you show a preference, it will end up hurting them.  The other staff will resent them and you may unwittingly teach them to depend on props, rather than on their own innate desire to do a good job.  Don't mess with a good thing.
10. Be understanding of their individual circumstances, but don't make excuses because of that.  Encourage them to see coming to work as an opportunity to leave personal worries at the door for a few hours.  Yes, worries may intrude here and there, but don't dig into it with them or encourage drama.

Are you seeing a pattern.  Managing requires constant attention to what you are going to say and do next.  Everything matters.  That's it for today, but there's more coming.

 

Heroes, Angels, Patriarchs and Heaven

Today's blog is about anything but dentistry.  You may have noticed that I've been pretty slack about writing this blog in the last year.  I haven't been lazy though, I've been bombarded.  So indulge me, this is a tribute to a very special man.

At this point I am in the end stages of laying a 31 year marriage to rest.  My husband was my hero in many ways, and as happens with many heros who imagine that being on a pedastal is a part of it all, he fell.  And he wouldn't get back up again.  So we go forward into a new type of relationship with each other that is being helped by the arrival of an angel.

My daughter gave birth to my adorable granddaughter, Sophia Emory on December 2.  Everything they tell you about grandchildren is true.  I was awestruck to see my beautiful daughter holding her beautiful daughter.  Not matter what problems are facing you, holding a brand new baby is healing.  Everything falls into place and you see things in a new way.  It balances you so that you see what is worth your attention.  Not to put too much pressure on a week old baby, but in some way she gave me the strength I needed to face losing yet another hero.

My beloved brother Charlie passed away on December 5 after a long and terrible battle with cancer.  I was able to be present for Sophia's birth and then leave the next day to spend the night in Hospice with Charlie.  It was a gift I will be forever grateful for.  Charlie was my true hero.  One who didn't expect admiration, but engendered it, nor did he look for worship.  He gave because he cared.  He didn't take a measure of what he was getting back, so he never felt cheated.  He accepted with gratitude and gave with abandon.  I didn't want him to know about my problems because he had enough of his own, but he found out and reprimanded me saying, "I am still the patriarch of this family."  Sounds like he was watching a little too much Real Housewives of NJ if you ask me.  He was in it till the end and he was the best brother anyone could ever have.  And I know he thinks he's still the patriarch all the way from heaven.  I'm counting on it.

Here's the thing; you never know when your heroes might leave or when your angels might arrive, so it makes sense to take care with everyone and appreciate what's right in front of you.  Heroes and angels beget other heroes and angels so the more you bring into your life, the happier you'll be.  Now consider this; how are you a hero or angel to someone else?  When I got back from my week of rollercoaster emotions, I found that my co-workers had left dinner in my fridge and a beautiful card on my kitchen table.  Yesterday, my boss took us all out to lunch to welcome me back.  Heroes and angels?  You better believe it. Did I think of them that way before?  Probably not.  The only thing you have to do to have more heroes and angels in your life is to learn to recognize what they look like.  I'll bet you already have many of them.  We go through our days so focused on tomorrow, that we miss so much today.  Slow down and appreciate your own heaven on earth. It's right in front of you, filled with heroes, angels, and every now and then, someone who is willing to be a patriarch.  What a shame it would be to miss it.  I knew what I had in Charlie all along and I was always amazed by him.

Thanks Charlie, patriarch, hero and sometimes really annoying big brother, and now official guardian angel to my angel on earth, Sophia.  I was so lucky to have you.  Other angels will take over now, you rest a little.  Thanks for showing me how to be brave.

Treatment Plan Presentation

I had posted an article a while ago about the patient care coordinator position.  A reader asked me to give some information about how I present the treatment plan.  

First things first, understand your patient.  What do they want? What do they care about?  Is it the perception others have of them, or their own comfort and health?  What is their understanding of oral health?  What can they afford, and what are they willing to spend?  How can you show them what they need in a way to make them want it, and how can you show them how to afford it?  This all starts in the pre-clinical interview, so don't cut corners here.  It's very tempting to rush the pre-clinical interview if you're running behind, or if the patient seems like an impatient person who wants to control the way the appointment is going to go.  But, don't do it, take your time and get in there with them.  Find a way to get past their defenses and get them to open up.  You go first, tell them why you do what you do in your office, before to try to tell them why they should buy it.

 Once you have a good idea of what is important to your patient and you've gathered all your clinical information with the dentist, sit down and discuss the patient's treatment plan with the dentist.  First listen as a dental professional and make sure you understand the rationale for the treatment.  Then put yourself in as close to your patient's frame of mind as you can and ask the questions you think they'd ask.  Finally, come up with 3 treatment plans; good, better and best.  (Sears used to do that years ago and who really wanted to go home with the good blouse if they could pay a little more and get the best quality one?)  Also, find out if there is any treatment the dentist absolutely won't suggest or provide.  Now you're ready to put your treatment plan presentation together.

Print out the following:  Review of findings, photos, x-rays, information about conditions or procedures (Click and Print is a great software package for this), and a copy of the treatment plan and fees.  Place it all in a presentation folder that has a slot for the doctor's business card.

When the patient arrives, be sure to have a small glass or bottle of water available for them.  I say small for a reason, you don't want them jumping up in the middle of your presentation to use the restroom, but you do want to show them you're considerate of them.  Next, start by reviewing what they've told you their goals are for their oral health.  Let them know that you want to help them achieve that and why you think your dentist has prescribed the best treatment plan for them.  In other words, go through your best treatment options and let them know exactly why it is the best choice.  For instance, if a patient is missing a tooth, you will likely have your good option as precision partial, your better option as fixed bridge and your best option as implant if they are a good candidate.  If they aren't a candidate for implant, everything moves down a notch and you start with clasp retained partial, then precision, then bridge.  Explain the pros and cons of each treatment honestly.  Don't fall into an annoying salesman technique of bashing the good option in favor of the best, just give them the facts and help them if they have questions or misconceptions.

As it becomes time to decide, you may realize that you've now led your patient to truly desire the best option, but they don't see how they can afford it.  This is where you must know what options your practice will offer in terms of financing.  For patients who you have very little experience with, who don't have a reliable reference behind them, or who just seem like a credit risk for you to take on, I'd suggest Care Credit or another lending program.  If you offer in house financing, work with them on that.  I love it when I can offer them a payment plan that takes them through a phased treatment plan.  In other words, we may be working with them to maximize their insurance so we may be phasing their treatment over 2-3 years.  If I can break up their payments to span that time period, everyone wins and the patient gets the best treatment available to them without undue financial hardship.  If you are creative and you have a reasonable patient, the finances can be worked out to the benefit of the dentist and the patient equally.

Once the treatment is accepted and the financial plan is achieved, it's time to schedule the treatment.  I don't like to schedule everything immediately, even though it feels great to get it on the books.  That is because life happens and if you have 10 appointments scheduled, chances are patient will get home and notice that they have a hair appointment that can never be moved. (funny how hair appointments trump dental appointments every time, but to be honest, mine do, too.).  Now you have to start moving all the subsequent appointments, too, and that's a pain.  I like to set up the first phase, or quadrant, and then midway through those appointments, set up the next.  

It's important if you are phasing treatment over the span of a few years, to make a note to call the patient to set up the next phase in the last quarter of the year preceding.  So, if a patient is going to start phase two in 2012, I'm going to have a note on the schedule in November, 2011 to call and set it up.  

Finally, as the patient care coordinator, you are the laison for the practice and patient and you need to be available to the patient to answer any questions they may have.  Make sure they know that.  Make sure they know that you are available to speak to their spouse, adult children, or whomever they release you to give information to  (make sure you have a signed information release waiver).

Presenting treatment is interesting, sometimes challenging, and almost always rewarding.  Helping people understand their oral health needs and then assisting them in making the possibilities and desires a reality is a fulfilling way to spend the day.

Circumferences and Centers?

Ok, so it's been a while, right?  Well, we're short-staffed right now, so that means I'm working harder.  Actually, we all are.  The last thing I wrote on here was the question, "Who steals your peace?"  Well, one of my answers would have been, "People who resign with little notice, especially after I've spent a year training them!"

You can relate, right?  It's so frustrating, you spend time training, you learn to work with their strengths and work around their weaknesses, and then, poof!, they're gone.  

This is all very annoying if you are spending a lot of time living on the circumference, or edge of your practice.  On the edge, things happen that affect the center for a short time, but fall away only to be replaced by similar things that might be a little better, or slightly worse.  Those areas continue to fall away and be replaced, and generally have limited, short-term effect on the whole, as long as the center is strong.  Unfortunately, that's where we often place our greatest attention because the effects seem to be so impactful, but we need to realize, the impact is short-lived.  We need to understand our center and trust that it will hold.

The edge is the beginning point - for a new employee, new product, new patient, new procedure, etc.  As they move closer to the center we can see if they fit in, enhance, grow, and work with the center.  The center is the heart of the practice - the dentist, the long-term employees, the patients, the basic, reliable products and procedures and policies.  

We begin on the edge and we can observe the employee deciding, "Is this something I can be, will be, part of?  Will I join in and work toward this center or will I stay out here on the edge?"  The questions are there and you can quickly see the natural inclination of the employee.  

Next, we can sense discipline, or lack of it.  Will the employee try to: learn to do what you need them to do, know what they need to know, understand where you're coming from and where you want them to join you?  If the answer is no, they will remain circumfrential, and eventually fall away.  If the answer is yes they will move closer to the center of your practice.  

Now, we will see thought come into play.  Are they thoughtful about what they are doing, or are they going through the motions.  That will make the difference between whether they will become engaged innovators who will be looking for ways to make things better, or if they will just do enough, which will eventually drag them back to the edge where you may allow them to hang out, or they will move on.  

Finally, you will see action in the center.  They will bring new ideas, research new products, think of new ways to serve the practice, the patients and each other better.  They become a part of the heart of the practice.

Figure this out.  Watch to see where your employees settle in.  Then you won't be so frustrated when someone drops off the edge.  Then you will know who is part of the heart of the practice and that's where your concern should rest.  When you know all this, you will sense an awakening within yourself and a resting.  You will care, and not care at all because you will know what actually is.  In the end, we do not find the center of our practice, it reveals itself to us.  We have to stop reacting to the distractions at the edges and keep our eye on the center so we can see it.

 

A little something to think about so we can discuss it later: What do you resent? What makes you seethe on a daily basis? Who steals your peace? How much pleasure does that take away from your day? I think we can change that, but first, really think about it. You can even email me about it so I'll use it in my post.

"God bless every soul that was lost. God bless everyone who has to endure that loss. And God guide us to our reunion in heaven. God bless America." ~Rudy Guiliani on the 10th Anniversary of the 9-11 tragedy.

Success

 

"What's money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do."   ~Bob Dylan~

 

We've been talking about what we need to be ok, but what do we need to be a success?  Does having enough make us successful?  Ok, if that's it, when do we know we have enough?  Is it enough to be able to pay the bills on time and keep the staff employed, or is there more?  Do we have to be able to take as good a vacation as we had last year?  Keep shopping in the same stores?  Do we have to be able to keep up our memberships to the clubs that are important, go to the restaurants that everyone goes to, the events that we want to see and be seen at?  If we can do all that, will we feel successful? Will we be successful?  At what cost?

It seems that everyone is focused on scarcity these days.  Maybe you're worried that your patients will leave and find someone whose fees are lower, who takes their insurance, or even, who takes their insurance and writes off the balance.  Tough times can bring out the temptation to cheat and the propensity toward greed.  How do you respond?  Maybe you're noticing that patients aren't accepting the treatment you feel they need?  Do you panic and see it as the beginning of a downslide for you, or are you more concerned about the beginning of a downslide in their oral health?  What's your gut feeling?  What about your staff?  Do they care about your success?  Do you care about theirs?  Do they care about the success of the practice?  Do they feel that when the practice succeeds, they succeed and are an integral part in that success?  How about the guy across town?  How's his practice doing?  Do you care?  Can you help?  Would you care to help?

Success begins with sharing.   Even when it's seems like there's not enough to share.  In between getting up in the morning, and going to bed at night, are you getting to do what you want to do?  Are you enjoying it, or worrying your head off?  Then share.  Share first your joy in what you do.  Share it with your patients and your staff.  Tell them how much you love what you do.  That joy is infectious and that makes you a joyful success.  

Share your concerns with your staff, let them share your burdens.  You might be surprised by what they will do to help.  Listen to the concerns of your patients.  They're not being stubborn, they may have the same worries you do.  Share their burden.  Help them afford the treatment they need.  Offer payment plans with no interest.  Phase treatment where you can.  Work with them to maximize their insurance coverage.  Take the time to explain the reasons for doing some treatment immediately, and then why some can wait a little while.  Be patient with them.

Don't ever give in to pettiness.  Don't panic over small setbacks.  Don't see doom in every cancellation, or worry that it's the beginning of the end if someone leaves the practice.  Patients cancel appointments for many reasons, half the time they just forget.  People switch dentists on a whim, and you can't be everything to everyone.  If you try you might not enjoy what you do between waking up and going to bed anymore. 

Give.  Praise your staff for the good things they do.  Notice the little things and make a big deal out of it sometimes.  Bring in bagels now and then, or treat everyone to lunch just to say thanks.  They'll think you're a king.  Give to your community.  It's good advertising and it helps others succeed, too.  Find out if there's another dentist who's really just hanging on and try to help them succeed.  Share what you can, whether it's knowledge of how to improve their practice, or even a new patient now and then.  They will never forget you.

If you can do all this; when you get into bed at night, you might realize that you forgot to worry that day.  That's because you were focused on success.  And now you know that when you wake up in the morning, you get to succeed all over again.

Count The Ways

In my last post I asked you to think about what makes life good when things are going good, and what makes it good when things are hard.  I'll bet that when things are going good, the things that seem to make you happy are the things that are so easily lost and that are dependant on the whims of fortune.  Hey, I'm with you on a lot of that!  It's great to have extra money, easy success, and few worries.  As I remember it was also fun to ride on a seesaw...until the kid on the other end jumped off while you were up in the air.  Once you realized that might happen, wasn't there always a little anxiety associated with the seesaw, despite the promise of fun?  It didn't make you stay off the seesaw, but you tried to be ready for the big fall, didn't you?  

Depending on the economy to be predictable is like expecting every kid you ride a seesaw with to stay on and to tell you when he's getting off.  It's not realistic.  So, let's look at the things that keep you happy when things are tough.  I'll start:

I have three great kids who love me no matter what.  They're funny, kind, loving, devoted, dependable,and they have great character.  I even have a granddaughter on the way.  They love each other and they love me, and that makes me happy.

I have a deep faith in God that sustains me and inspires me.  I am part of a very supportive faith community.  

I have a wonderful extended family, especially my brother, Charlie.

I work for a great human being who is a gift to everyone he comes in contact with.  Our staff is filled with good people who are committed to what they do and who help and support each other and take great care of our patients.

I have enough of everything I need, and more than enough of some things.

I have just enough wisdom to know that anything bad that happens to me will make me stronger, and that if I wait long enough and have enough patience and faith, good things will happen again.

How about you?  Have you take the time to count the ways that you are fortunate, or are you too busy worrying about what's wrong?  Ok, so if you can't stop looking at what's wrong, can you step back just a little and see if you can use the good things to help you overcome the things that are wrong?  Start your good list and go from there.  You might be surprised.

 

Prosper

Yesterday I asked you to think about what you truly need, want, and what you could do without.  I also asked you if you could do with a little less, if you could help someone else survive.  What I'm talking about is this:  what does it mean to you to prosper?  The dictionary defines prosper as: to thrive or succeed, or to cause to thrive or succeed in a healthy way.  So, it can be something we do ourselves, or that we help others do. Sometimes we just decide that we want to prosper and we set about doing things that will make that happen in a way that our experience, to that point, tells us will make us happy and secure.  Other times, other people, or circumstances make us redefine what prosperity is for us.

I'm going to share something with you that I haven't discussed here before.  After 31 years of marriage, I am going through a divorce.  I never, in my wildest imaginings thought that I would ever be facing this, but here it is.  Sometimes life hits us from our blind side.  To say I was devastated is putting it mildly, but I have found that I am lucky.  I have family, friends and co-workers who love me and have rushed in to help me prosper again.  This is where redefining prosperity comes in, by the way.  When, after trying to find a way to make my marriage work, I was dealt a second blow late one evening, I emailed a friend who lived on the other side of the country.  She desperately want to help me make it through the night and sent me this Scripture passage to give me strength and hope:

"For I know well the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans for your prosper, not for your woe!  Plans to give you a future full of hope."  Jeremiah 29:11

I doesn't matter if you're Christian, or not, those words are full of hope in despair.  It made me think of what it meant to prosper in a new way. At first, to prosper meant to get through each day with my sanity intact.  Then it meant to get through each day with my dignity intact.  Now it means to know that each day is a new gift, full of opportunities to be happy and grateful.  

I realize that eventually I will probably need to move out of my house.  I looked around my living room at all the stuff I really wanted once upon a time.  Now, it's just stuff.  Nice stuff, but really pretty meaningless, and now, almost a burden.  The things I want are the things that have meaning: pictures of family, things that my kids made for me, things with memories.  That's what I'll take when I leave this house.

To me, prospering means having real meaning in my life.  Spending time in prayer, meditation, and reading relax me.  Spending time with family and friends fill me with love and satisfaction in a life being well-lived.  Helping others in any way I can makes me feel that I am giving back a fraction of what has been given to me.  

In the end, it is the way we live through both good times and bad times that give us a measure of who we are.   Trials and trouble bring us face to face with the reality of who we have become and let us know who and how we want to be.  This is the place in which we choose.  We can choose to fall apart and become pathetic, or we can choose to be strong and to be happy.  No matter what, happiness is something you decide to be.  Strong is inside all of us, we just have to drag it out; every day, as much as we can.

So, today I'll leave you with another thought.  What has it meant to you to prosper when things were good?  What can it mean when things are not so good?

Choose Your Own Way

Is the economy as bad as it sounds?  Maybe.  Actually, probably.  Well, really, yes it is.  But…it is what it is.  You can make it better for yourself, or worse.  Victor Frankl faced one of the worst trials in human history, the concentration camps, and he discovered something that enabled him to survive:

 

“We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread.  They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man, but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

 

Maybe this sounds familiar:  The economy stinks!  Production is down!  New patients aren’t coming in!  No one is accepting treatment!  My staff doesn’t get it, and now they want raises!  How much longer can I make it?  These are the things we tell and ask ourselves, and others.  These are the things that keep us awake at night.  These are the things that make us feel hopeless and helpless.  They will keep having that effect if we don’t face them head on and deal with them.  That’s the hard news, but wait, there’s good news, too.  There are things you can do to ride out the economy, and even proper while doing it. 

 

When I say you can make it better, I don't necessarily mean you can make it easy.  I can't tell you how to go through this economy without any difficulty,  But, I think I can help give you a different perspective.  We have to learn to define what is important.  What do we absolutely need, what do we want, and what would it be nice to have, but could wait?  Is it more important to prosper alone, or more gratifying to have a little less, but know you’ve helped someone else hang on?  Can you look at difficulty as an opportunity to grow stronger and help others do the same?  If you can, this economy may just offer you a chance for so much more personal growth and satisfaction than you ever imagined. 

 

What I want you to do now is this:  think about the questions about what you need, want and could do without if you had to.  Think about how you feel about reaching out to help someone who’s struggling more than you are.  We’re going to talk about this some more, but first, you need to know where you stand right now.

 

What's Your Motivation?

Have you ever tried to talk to someone and thought it would be just an average, everyday conversation, and found yourself in the middle of an argument or drama?  You  walk away stunned, wondering what is wrong with the other person?  You really don't even consider wondering if it had anything to do with you, because you know you were just trying to pass on information, advice or constructive criticism, right?  Maybe you should wonder.

Often, we go into a conversation without checking ourself first.  Actually, we probably do that most of the time.  We get an idea or thought, we think it's valid, maybe even amazing, we approach another person with it, and we get a reaction that we never imagined.  

That's because we didn't stop to think about what was motivating us.  It is a rare event when we do or say anything doesn't have some self-interest involved.  Have you ever listened to someone talk about something they did for someone else?  Did you notice that somewhere in the telling, you'll hear something that gives the speaker a little pat on the back.  I do it all the time myself, so don't be afraid to admit it about yourself.  

I was at a meeting recently during which a new member of the group decided to give some "constructive criticism."  Just starting a statement with those words tends to put everyone on high alert.  It seemed that she felt we should format our discussions differently because she was used to a different format.  As she conveyed that idea, she managed to make remarks that made at least 3 people feel that she was criticizing them.  You could feel the tension spread across the room and the conversation basically became very stilted.  To top it off, she then monopolized the rest of the conversation.  So, what was her motivation?  She wanted things her way and her way meant she talked and everyone else listened.  What was the result?  A lot of resentment and hurt feelings that two of us had to spend a lot of energy reversing.  In many instances, there is no one who is willing to spend the energy recovering a situation like this and it snowballs into a mess.

Can you think of a time in your practice when this has happened?  What was the motivation?  It was probably that someone wanted to be in control, to feel important, or to put someone else "in their place."  It's amazing how quickly things can go downhill if no one steps in to call the person on it.  I think that the best thing to do is just to ask the person for clarification first.  If that doesn't make them see what they're doing, just go through a description of how their scenario or statement might pan out.  By doing this you'll get a good idea if their motivation was innocent, but misguided, or self-interested, and so might they.  I don't think that most people start out wanting to deliberately hurt others, but I do think that we often are driven by self-interest without consideration of others.  

I don't think that there are many people who set out trying to act like a jerk, but I do think that sometimes things start to go off in an unintended direction and before you know it, all hell breaks loose.  It's happened to me before and it's kind of stunning.  So, instead of just reacting, take a minute to try to figure out the motivation.  It doesn't matter whether you're the culprit, or on the receiving end, figuring out the motivation lends clarity to a situation and affects the outcome.  You may be able to just stop a situation that's going sour in it's tracks, before the real drama begins.  Since drama is highly overrated, you might want to give it a try.  That is, unless you enjoy drama, and that leads us right back to motivation again.

Good Gossip

"No one ever gossips about anyone's secret virtues.". -Bertrand Russell- Gossip is such a weird thing. On the one hand we feel uncomfortable with it because of how it makes us feel. If we listen to gossip we feel guilty, maybe a little trapped and we may even wonder if the person we're listening to will gossip about us to someone else. Hang on though, you're never a victim, you can change the subject or find a reason to leave, rather than provide a forum for gossip. We stay because we get something out of hearing it. We may feel preferred by the gossiper, interested in the information, or superior to the person being talked about. But, what about that person? How would they feel if they knew what was being said? How would you react if you turned around and discovered they'd been standing listening the whole time? Wouldn't you, as the listener, be just as guilty as the one talking? Moreover, how has the time you've just spent in that conversation impacted anyone's world? Has it made you a "better version of yourself?" If you ask me, nobody wins. Sure, some people may feel like they've accomplished something like letting everyone else know the "truth" about someone else. Just remember, that's the truth as they see it and it's impacted by their own personal agenda. The way we think and talk about others is often a mirror of our own interior life. The thoughts that we assign to others often only reflect the thoughts we assume they have, because that's the way we think. Gossip can be good, though. Just imagine walking up to two people talking and realizing it's you that they're talking about. Then imagine you hear that they are talking about how great they think you are! How do you feel? I know that I'd love it, and not only because I'd feel good about me, I'd feel even better about them. Let me ask you this: when you realize that someone is about to bad mouth someone else, doesn't a part of you feel some discomfort? When someone tells you something good about someone else, don't you feel uplifted? Then, really, how should you spend your time? Spread good gossip in your practice. Make a point of it by introducing the idea at a staff meeting. Give everyone small pocket sized notebooks with a page for each staff member and challenge them to write down every good thing they "catch" each person saying or doing for the next week, then start off Monday morning by having one person read out what they wrote all week. Continue each morning until everyone has gotten all their good gossip out. You'll be surprised at what happens to the atmosphere and attitudes in the office. People's outlooks are guided by what they think most about. Looking for the good in their co-workers will have an impact. Knowing that people are watching for the good in them will inspire goodness. Good gossip is good for everyone. It's free, it's easy and it's always available so spread some around your practice and see what happens.

This is hysterical. Take the time to read it, and don't be offended by some of the cuss words. The story demands them. http://thedentalwarrior.com/2011/07/15/vestigial-organs-by-i-p-freely-2/#more-1496

The Enemy of Excellence

"Minimalism breeds mediocrity.  It is the destroyer of passion.  Minimalism is one of the great character destroyers of our time.  It is the enemy of excellence and a cancer on society.  The problem is, culturally we encourage minimalism."        ~Matthew Kelly - The Rhythm of Life

It's hard to get people to do what you want them to do, isn't it?  Life seems to teach you that you're not going to be able to get others to work to the level of excellence that you'd like from your employees.  You start out with high ideals and then reality sets in and you begin to lower your expectations.  After all, not everyone is raised the way you were, not everyone is as passionate as you are, and let's face it, your employees don't benefit financially as much as you do, so how can you expect them to give so much?  If that's what you tell yourself, you've given up.

In The Rhythm of Life Matthew Kelly discusses the effects of minimalism on individuals and society in general.  He says that minimalism eats away at character, therefore impacting society negatively, and creates low self-esteem as the consequence not of failure, but of not even trying.  "A person gripped by the mind-set of minimalism becomes very self-seeking and contributes little to the common good..."

What is the mind-set of a minimalist?  "What is the least I can do?  What is the least I can do and still keep my job?"  We see this all the time among staff in a dental practice.  You have your A-players.  They are your best staff members.  They're the ones you know you can depend on to go the extra mile, give a little more, work a little later, keep at it until it's done and done well.  You don't even have to ask, they see what needs to be done and they do it.  

Anything else is minimalism.  I don't see any middle of the road between striving for excellence and anything less.  You can't strive for mediocre any more than you can strive for just enough.  Striving means working toward a goal.  The least I can do to get by is not a goal, it's merely survival.  It's clinging to someone else's best and hoping they'll carry you along, too.  The problem is, there's no satisfaction in it.  Sooner or later, resentment will creep in.  The person who has passion in her work will get sick and tired of the one who is dragging them, and the rest of the team down.  They will lose respect for the person who is supposed to uphold the standards and pretty soon they'll either lose their passion and forget about excellence, or they'll move on to another place where passion and excellence mean something.  The minimalist is also going to become resentful of the hard worker.  Come on, if she didn't work so hard, the minimalist wouldn't stick out like a sore thumb.  It's amazing how much effort the minimalist can put into discouraging someone else from striving for excellence in order to be able to keep giving so little to the job.

I remember someone once telling me, "The devil you know may be better than the devil you don't know."  In other words, "if you think this employee is bad, just wait, the next one may be worse!"   For a short time, that thought paralyzed me.  I found myself hanging on to employees that just could not meet the standards we expect in our practice.  I worried about patient perception concerning turnover, and I worried that the next person would be less capable than the one they were replacing.  I heard other managers voicing the same concern for their practices.  Then I realized that this fear was actually supporting minimalism.  If we allow fear to keep us from striving to build our practices with people who strive for excellence, aren't we guilty of minimalism ourselves?  We have to have the courage to do the unpopular thing.  Patients may lament about the sweet front desk person you replaced, because that's the extent of their experience with her.  You may dread training a new employee because it takes a lot of time and effort, but that's what excellence demands.

Strive for excellence in yourself when interviewing and hiring.  It's easy to be taken in by someone with a great personality, wonderful appearance and who says all the right things.  Let's face it, it's easy to say the right things.  The answers that an interviewer would want to hear are pretty obvious.  You have to verify everything.  Call references and call past employers.  Don't brush off intuition or a feeling that something isn't quite right.  Do the work at the beginning to give yourself a better chance of hiring well.

"What is the most I can do?"  Begin by asking this of yourself and then ask it of everyone else.  What is the most you can do?  Listen carefully for the answer and therein lies character and passion.

 

Joy

"Joy is the fruit of appreciation."  ~Matthew Kelly~

Sounds like a no-brainer, doesn't it.  If you are appreciated, you feel joyful.  It sounds simple, but it doesn't stop there.  You could also say, if you show appreciation for someone, their pleasure will make you feel joyful, as well.  It still doesn't stop there, either.  Ok, so now you have two joyful people in a practice full of other staff and patients, what do you think is going to happen now?  You've got it, it's going to spread.  

People pick up feeling vibes pretty quickly, bad or good, and it makes an impression on them.  It tells them how to feel and react to what is happening around them.  The dominant mood in an office spreads like wildfire.  The person with the strongest personality and the person with the most authority will set the tone for the rest most of the time.  Here's the tricky part, it's not always the same person.  You might have a stressed out, grumpy staff member who has a strong personality working with a happy-go-lucky dentist who just wants to enjoy the day.  Now you have a stressful day ahead of you.  The happiness of the dentist is going to drive the aggravated staff member crazy and she'll start writing her own story.  It might go something like this:  "Sure, he's happy, why not?  I'm doing all the grunt work and he's chatting up the patients.  While I'm sitting on hold with the insurance company, he's in his office surfing the internet.  I'm so sick of that smile of his, I want to wipe it off his face!"  Guess what, within a short time, she will.  Why?  Because she didn't feel appreciated enough to overcome her miserable mood.  Now, he's going to start getting sick of her attitude and he'll start to strike back.  From the way he sees it, not only is she a grouch, she's ruined his mood, too.  Before long, the temperature in the office is frigid and everyone else is feeling it and pretty much sick of all the drama.

Who's fault is it?  Is the staff member to blame?  Yes, in that she didn't reign in her temper and control her mood, but what got her started in the first place?  When people become embittered in the workplace, it's usually because they feel slighted in some way.  It may be a weakness in their personality that causes them to feel jealous about every nice thing that happens to anyone else and prevents them from realizing that they get their fair share of praise and thanks.  If that's the case, you can't cure them and shouldn't try unless you have a degree in psychology and lots of time to invest in that one staff member.  Sometimes the school of experience is the best impetus for someone like that.  When she sees her behavior won't be tolerated, she may get the help she needs.  On the other hand, maybe this is a very hard working staff member who has one of the less glamorous jobs in the office.  Everyone is so used to the fact that she sees a need and gets to work, that it's easy to take her for granted.  When a less hard-working staff member does something extra, the compliments and gratitude may flow because it's so unusual for her to work that hard.  You may just feel like you're trying to encourage that person to pick up more of the slack, but to the one who just does what needs to be done, it may seem like, "Why bother?"

Pay attention.  Is there anyone you take for granted?  If you realize that there's someone who works really hard, but has gone a long time without hearing how much you appreciate her, take her in your office and lay it on thick.  Even if she squirms, inside she's loving it.  When she leaves your office, her head will be a little higher, her smile more genuine, and her heart will sing.  She, in turn, will spread a little joy to someone else, and on it goes.  You throw the first pebble of appreciation and watch the ripple effect happen.  Staff members, do you appreciate each other and your boss?  Do you say thank you, pass on compliments from patients and look for ways to make those around you feel valued?  Do you ever thank your boss for a great day at work?  I know it sounds sappy, but do it and you'll enjoy the look of surprise on his face.  He'll go home happy and his wife and kids will love it. 

I happen to be lucky enough to work for an extremely happy boss who spreads his happiness all over the place.  He sees everyone with kind eyes and thanks us every evening as he walks out the door.  If he needs to give critical feedback, he does it in a way that let's the person know that he believes that they will go on to correct the mistake.  He leaves their dignity intact.  We all love and support him and each other and we know that we have it great.  We can't stop talking about how great our boss is when anyone asks and that's always good for a practice.  

Do you see what an impact you can make, good or bad?  Choose carefully, because whatever you decide, it will come back to you in the end.  So, plant appreciation and reap joy.  You'll be happy you did.

That's What It's About

When it all comes right down to it, dental practices are basically comprised of phone answerers and money handlers, spit suckers, tooth scrapers, and hole drillers.  Don't go crazy, I said basically.  If you don't go beyond the basics, that's pretty much true.  It's what you do beyond the basic description that makes you what you really are.

Let's start with the phone answerers and money handlers.  They have so much impact on how people feel about your practice.  You have to build on just picking up the phone and saying, "Dr. Jones office."  Believe me, I've heard phones answered this way at other offices when I call.  I usually sit there like a goof, waiting for more and then realize, "Oh, that's all she's going to give me."  And "give me" is what I mean.  Anything beyond the basics is what is given, what is chosen, what is offered from one person who understands that there is another person on the other end of the line, not just a patient.  A blunt office identification just never does cut it.  It's cold and barren and that's how the caller is left calling.  It also strips away any desire to call that office again.  On the other hand, I often have the pleasure of talking to an absolutely wonderful, upbeat, loving person in another office that I call frequently.  I love having a reason to call and I'm never disappointed.  She cares and she makes you feel it.  She is a treasure to her employer and to anyone who comes into contact with her.  She is not just a phone answerer, she's a blessing to all. 

Moving on, let's think about those spit suckers and tooth scrapers.  If they don't build on the basics, they can make you feel like a piece of meat.  Luckily, I don't run across too many of them, unless they are in the wrong profession.  Clincal dental professionals are a unique group of people. We go to work every day, and we just can't wait to get our fingers wet.  Now, I'm not saying anyone enjoys scaling a kernel of corn out of anyone's molar, that's just gross, but we like seeing someone leave a little better off than they were when they arrived.  We like seeing improvement in plaque scores, or knowing that we've been able to relieve someone's pain.  We know that no one really wants to be here, we get that, but we learn not to take it personally.  What if an assistant or hygienist is burned out, or is just not really into what they are doing?  You can feel it in the air just as clearly as you can feel it when she's caring.  A good assistant or hygienist has to have the ability to find the uniqueness of the person in the patient, and that's who she addresses herself to.  

The dentist creates the culture and makes it all come together.  Even if there is a manager in the office, the dentist decides what the culture will be, even if it's just by virtue of allowing the manager to work with the staff to develop a caring, loving atmosphere.  It's best when the dentist and manager present a united front and lead by example.  In my experience, you can fake it for a while and it will be ok, but the real thing is unforgettable.  And is that what you want to be to your patients?  Unforgettable.  You have to work for it.  That's what it's all about.

Be Gentle With Everyone

"Be gentle with all.  Try to see the heart I see, to know the pain and difficulty of the other life, that I know.  Try, before you speak to anyone, to ask me to act as the interpreter between you two."     ~God Calling~

 

This quote is from a devotional titled God Calling that a friend gave me recently.  When I read it today, I thought, "Ah, that's the best advice I could ever have as a manager.  Think about it, Be gentle with all.  How would just heeding that one sentence affect your staff and patients?  Hopefully no one would fall over in shock, but they may sit up and take notice.  Maybe it would be just a subtle difference,  but it would surely be a welcome one.

Now, how about trying to see the other person's heart, and their pain and difficulty.  We all have troubles and struggles that we keep hidden.  We pride ourselves on our ability to go on despite our pain, but we often then feel upset when others don't cut us any slack.  Don't they know our burden?  Can't they see that we're hanging on by a thread?  Probably not, if you're doing a great job hiding it.  I have found that if you take the time to look in someone's eyes, you can often see what is happening in their heart.  So, assume that there is pain under the surface in everyone you encounter and treat them gently.

Finally, isn't it wise to take a moment before speaking or reacting?  How many times have to assumed someone meant one thing and then reacted harshly only to find out you were wrong?  Didn't you wish you'd waited a minute before unleashing the words you now wish you could have back?  Taking a minute before speaking and thinking of being gently might prevent that.  

I will tell you this from my own experience.  People don't follow a harsh leader, they survive a harsh leader until they can escape.  People follow an inspiring leader.  Inspire trust, inspire confidence, inspire dedication and inspire love.  Do it with gentleness, determination, understanding and thoughtfulness.  When you are gentle with everyone, everyone wins.

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly, And The Annoying

We all want our staff to work together in harmony, to overlook small slights and mistakes, and to see the good in each other, don't we?  What percentage of each day can you say you see that happening?  In our office I'd say that on any given day it happens at least 98% of the time.  I'm not kidding, our staff likes each other, enjoys each other's company, shares information willingly, and doesn't gossip.  Really, I'm not kidding.

Did we just get lucky and get a magical mix of personalities that meshed perfectly right off the bat?  Yeah right, let me tell you about this bridge I want to sell you, it's in Brooklyn.  Nope, we've had our share of ups and downs, or should I say knock downs and drag outs?  I would bring the offenders into my office and chat with one or both, but it always went back to the same petty arguments and tensions.  Sound familiar?  Here's how to fix it:

Buy each staff member a small notebook.  Have them write down everyone else's name, including your's, on separate pages.   For the next week they should jot down 3 things they found themselves appreciating or admiring about each other person.  

At your next staff meeting have everyone bring their notebooks. Now pick someone to start, and they should tell the person to the right the 3 compliments that they wrote down over the first week.  The person receiving the compliment may only respond by saying "Thank you."  We tend to through off compliments rather than take them in.  The person complimenting should continue with the next person to the right until she's given everyone 3 compliments.  Then the person to her immediate right starts and you go on until everyone has given everyone 3 compliments.  You will be amazed at what that will do.  

First, you'll notice that while some people will get the same compliment from a few people, there will be some things said that will be very surprising and heart-warming.  If you're the dentist or manager, you might find yourself very surprised about how the staff feels about you.  It will probably feel awkward at first, but keep encouraging everyone to really hear and enjoy the nice things that other's are saying about them.

Ok, so that's your nice, feel-good meeting that will help your staff see each other as good people who appreciate each other. You may also realize that you never really looked at your staff members in that way and you may see that they have qualities that you didn't notice. This helps build trust and openness.  

Now, tell your staff that they'll be using their notebooks again.  This time they'll be writing about themselves.  As the week goes on, tell them to jot down things that they find themselves doing that keeps them from being the best they can be.  Maybe they don't share information, they don't respect other's boundaries, they're pushy, they don't feel comfortable talking about treatment, they're judgmental, etc.  

At your next staff meeting (hopefully you can arrange to have one within the next week or two) ask for someone to volunteer to read something off their list that they'd most like to change.  Now, ask if anyone has any ideas for how they can improve with that.  Your job is to facilitate by asking questions as people give suggestions that will help everyone picture how the solution will look, how it will work, and how it will make life better in the practice. Also, you must ensure that the suggestions stay positive and productive.  This is not the time to let anyone slip a dig in, ("bless their hearts.")  Finally, ask the person who gave the problem if they will be ok, if staff members give them gentle reminders when they fall back into the behavior.  It works, we solved a very annoying and tenacious issue between our hygienists who now support and love each other tremendously.  

You don't have to live with the Bad, Ugly and Annoying any longer than you want to, and you can bring the Good into focus and keep it going and growing.

 

Keep Your Garden

"If there is no gardener, there is no garden."~Steven Covey - First Things First~

As a manager, I can't tell you how many times I've been frustrated, or disappointed about something a team member has done.  I'll even admit to self-pity, now and then.  I wonder sometimes, "Why can't they figure out what to do?  We've spent hours in staff meeting discussions, shouldn't they know by now?"  Then I realize that I'm expecting them to read my mind, or do what I would do.  Sometimes what might seem obvious to me, never enters someone else's mind.  It is then I realize that we are all different, we all see the world differently, and we all see different solutions to situations and problems.

What does this have to do with gardening?  Try to see your practice as a garden and yourself as the gardener.  First things first, you have to prepare the ground, in this case, your staff.  At first, you'll probably be filled with enthusiasm, you just can't wait to get in there and get things, or people, growing.  If you're like me when I attempt to garden, after about an hour or two, it just becomes tedious and you really wish someone else would come along and finish up.  You can't do that with people, once you start, you need to stick it out or you won't like the result.  

Just like an attentive gardener, you need to fertilize the thoughts you plant with acknowledgement, praise and encouragement.  When you see the thoughts and ideas you've planted start to grow, you have to help them along.  You can't just plant and walk away, or it will all dry up and disintegrate.  Keep at it and before long, you'll have the results you worked for.  

An experienced gardener also knows that he must be watchful for the weeds that will choke out the plants he is trying to cultivate.  In our practices, there are times when a team member is not ready to be productive and work toward service to others.  So, to begin with we can see their attitude as a weed.  If we can help them change their attitude, we can keep them in our garden and let them produce.  If they persist in their attitude, they become a weed and we risk letting them choke the good attitude out of the rest of the staff.  Just like gardeners dislike weeding the garden, so do managers and owners dislike weeding their staff, but it must be done when needed to ensure healthy growth.

Now, let me turn my attention to the seed itself.  A gardener knows that the purpose of growing flowers, fruit or vegetables is to give nourishment and pleasure to ourselves and others.  Do you realize that your purpose is the same?  When you are considering the seeds of thought you will plant, consider their purpose.  Will this make someone's life better?  Will it have a positive effect in the life of anyone?  Will it help you and your team serve others?  

These are simple questions with one word answers.  If you can't answer "Yes", you have some work to do.  Does your practice have a gardener, or is everything just growing haphazardly?  Is it you?  If not, who will it be? 

Oh Come On, Hug Me

"Go out into the world today and love the people you meet. Let your presence light new light in the hearts of people."   ~Mother Theresa

I remember reading a book by Dr. Paddi Lund, a dentist in Australia.  He says that he and his staff begin each day with a hug.  We tease one of the hygienists in our office that we're going to start doing that because she is notoriously uncomfortable with hugging.  We make her hug us every now and then on special occasions, like Christmas, but she hates it.  I bet a lot of people would be uncomfortable with it, buy why?  It's a sign of affection so shouldn't we love to hug?  Maybe it's the full, frontal body contact that makes us squeamish, but there's nothing worse than an awkward hug.  Better never to have hugged at all, than to have hugged like a klutz.

I have to wonder why it's so much easier to pass along gossip, than it is to hug.  We only feel uncomfortable gossiping if we get caught.  Why is it easier to stab someone in the bag, than it is to hug them?  If you ask me, it's what we're used to.  Those juicy tidbits flow so easily from our mouths that half the time we don't even stop to think of it as gossip.  It's interesting to watch someone try to seem like they're not gossiping.  They smile while they're blabbing and sometimes even end with a tinkling laugh and say, "I'd tell you the same thing if she were sitting right here."  Really?  Let's go get her.  

So, what if you decided to spend today loving everyone you meet?  What would that look like?  What would that feel like for you and for them?  You don't have to hug them to love them, you can just find the best in them and bring it out for you and for them.  Bring it out for yourself first so you can feel appreciation for them.  Then express that appreciation to them.  It might be just as awkward as that hug at first, but they'll hold it in their heart all day long.  You'll light a light in their heart and they may be moved to love someone too.  Imagine what the day will be like if you do the same with everyone you see.  Your patients might think you're crazy, but it will be crazy in a good way.  They'll love the way you made them feel and that's everything.  At the end of the day, thank everyone for all they did that day.  Send them all home with one last dose of love.  Now you've set them up to go home and be loving toward their family.  Will it never end?  Let's hope not.

Leading To a Higher Power

"You are not here merely to make a living.  You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement.  You are here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand."    ~Woodrow Wilson~

 

Ok, I'm going to take a giant leap of faith.  This blog will be changing a little.  I'll still be giving you tips and ideas about how to lead your staff and increase the health of your practice, but the focus is going to shift somewhat because my focus has shifted.  

Last July 4th, my life as I knew it changed forever.  I'm not going to give you the particulars about what changed, but I'm going to tell you everything about what inspired and saved me from utter despair.  

I'm Catholic and for the previous two years, I had stopped going to church.  I had a bunch of reasons that all seemed valid, which now just seem stupid and pompous.  On the morning of July 4th, I had the strong feeling that I should go to church, 7:30 mass to be exact.  Are you kidding, no way, that's way too early.  The was insistent though, so I got dressed and went.  I realized that I missed all the ceremony of the mass and the community with God and my fellow parishioners.  I had been kidding myself to think I could take care of my faith at home, I knew I was back for good.  That night, at 10:30, the life I had spent my entire adulthood building, disintegrated.  

I got through the rest of the night and amazingly, went to work where I kept my problem to myself.  The only thought that got me through that day, was that I would go to the church and talk to the pastor after work.  When I got to the church office the secretary told me that he had already gone home to the rectory.  I was distraught and she saw that I had a true need so she called him and he agreed to come back and see me. 

I told him what had happened and he counseled me for over an hour.  I could see he was tired, but he saw my need. He told me that God had called me to church that morning so he could embrace me in my trouble and heartache.  He met with me two more times after that and then told me what I needed to do.  First, I needed to forgive myself for not going to church.  It was part of my journey, and the necessity for it would be revealed later.  Next, I needed to spend time alone in the chapel with God, building my relationship with Him and strengthening my prayer life.  So basically, Fr. Nick set me on my feet and gave me a gentle push in the right direction.  Smart man, now rather than depend on him, I depend on God, and rightly so.  Fr. Nick was always available to me if I needed his counsel, but I learned to lean on God more and more.  One more thing Fr. Nick said that seemed a little odd at the time was, "Let's see what good will come of this."  At first, I was skeptical that any good could come of the situation I was in,  now I could make a long list.

Now, 8 months later I am re-building my life and stronger than ever in my faith.  I also know the answer to why leaving the church for a while was a part of my journey.  I would have continued to be a "Sunday Catholic" if I'd never left.  I'd never have gone any deeper into my faith.  So, yes, I forgive myself.

Recently we had a speaker, Matthew Kelly, at our church for an all day seminar.  He is calling all Catholics to become the best possible version of themselves, as God created us to be.  I believe that God has created all mankind, regardless of their particular faith, to become the best possible version of themselves.  Hearing Matthew inspired me to take his message into my daily life.

That is where I intend to take this blog.  Being Catholic, I will introduce ideas from scripture, knowledge I gain from reading works by authors like Matthew Kelly, C.S. Lewis, Henri Nouwen, and writers of all faiths.  My focus is on leading to serve a higher power.  When we serve God, or any benign higher power, we work toward a greater good, and that is how to find true success.  

The difference you may see will be in some of the quotes I use, some of the ideas I base the content of a post on, and some of the books I may list on the side panel.  It's an addition and somewhat of a shift, but not that far from where I've always come from.  I will also, for the first time, allow guest writers.  I would be happy to have contributions from readers of other faiths to discuss how their faith can be applied to building a better practice, or just to help us understand other faiths so we can better relate to our co-workers and patients.  I think there is a lot of confusion and misplaced fear of other religions, and maybe we can ease that a little.

I hope you'll stick with me and see where we'll go with this new focus.  Take this leap of faith with me and "Let's see what good will come of this."

Sing Your Song

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation, and go to the grave with the song still in them."   ~Henry David Thoreau~

Can you relate to this quote?  I think that many dentists have fallen into lives of quietly and quite desperately wishing that they could have the practice they want.  The vision that they started out with seemed exciting and attainable.  So often, a young dentist enters practice with a sense of excitement and a feeling that no that he or she is out of school, life will be so much easier.  Unfortunately, even in the best of circumstances, there will be some stressful, disappointing days.  I an average set of circumstances it will seem that there's always a problem to solve.  In the worst situation, it will seem like never-ending drama and stress.  Where do you fall into these scenarios?

Where are you now, are you still hoping to get the perfect staff and grateful patients?  A sane schedule and a reasonable A/R?  Equipment that never breaks down and patients that show up on time and never cancels?  The only thing that hoping does is this: it keeps you moving in the same direction.  Hoping doesn't change anything, sometimes fate steps in a improves things and we give hope all the credit, but it really just keeps us from finding out how to take action.

Why did it happen?  Do you avoid confrontation?  Are you trying to be a nice guy?  Do you want everyone to love you?  Are you tired of the fight to get things the way you want them?  Does it seem impossible to get a team that wants to work for your vision?  Address any question that you answered yes to and decide on a solution.

What is the song that is in you that is slowly being choked out by desperation?  You may have to dig down deep, but it's still there and you can still hum it if you try.  Let it inspire you and help you see what you really want.  There's no reason to settle for anything less than the full song and all it's verses.  You get it by making it your intention.  Decide now that you will stop the desperation and move to a realization of those long ago dreams.  Make up your mind to take charge of your practice and sing the song you wanted to sing loud and clear.  

Grow Your Own

How do you get an amazing staff?  You grow it yourself.  I think it's very unusual for a great staff to just assemble in one practice without a concentrated effort that starts with the dentist and manager and grows with each staff member as they are initiated into the integrity of the culture of the practice.

You are the starting point because you have the knowledge of your vision for the practice.  To initiate your staff, you have to share your vision with them.  You must explain your ideals and values and ask them to accept them as their own regarding the practice. 

If you think about anything that you care about and want to see thrive, you realize that you make sure that you create the proper environment to give it the best possible chance.  If you are expecting a new baby, you get the room ready, buy baby clothes and toys and read up on all the best parenting information.  You want your baby to have the best possible start in life.

Try to think about your employees in the same way, whether they're brand new to the practice, or they've been with you a while.  Think of it and explain it this way:  You want to go in a new direction, so everyone's starting at the beginning with this vision for your practice.  There will be some stumbles, maybe some tears, maybe some laughter, but you'll all learn to ride this new bike.  

Some staff members may offer resistance, but with patience and time proven results, they'll learn that doing things in a new way doesn't have to be painful or stressful, and it can be so much better.  Some might not make it if they refuse to let go of what no longer works.  That will become so apparent to everyone that it will be almost a natural falling away.  

As time goes by and the value of working in this new way becomes clear, those that work with the changes will begin to take ownership of the new culture they've helped to create. They will become less dependent and accept more responsibility and continue to grow in confidence and loyalty.  They will uphold the standards and practices with new staff members because they want to protect what they helped grow.  As new staff members enter the team, they too will soon value and appreciate the healthy and positive atmosphere you've created.  

What began as something that you had to grow and tend with little help, will become a thriving co-op that benefits everyone involved.  As you consider the vision you started with and look at what you've grown, you'll experience the satisfaction that comes from working with determination and belief in yourself and those who you've asked to work with you.

Don't Just Stand There Impress

I love experiencing great customer service.  I was shopping at Williams Sonoma with a friend today and the entire experience was a Wow!  We were greeted warmly as soon as we walked in.  My friend raved about some of their simmering sauces, so I ended up picking up three jars of sauce (word of mouth advertising at it's finest).  When the woman behind the counter noticed that I was walking around holding all that she immediately came over and offered to set them aside for me while I continued shopping.  Great for me because I was relieved of my burden, great for the store because now I was free to pick up more items.  

When we were ready to check out the clerk wrapped up the jars and started to reach for a bag, only to realize that her co-worker had noticed that she was wrapping three jars and had already doubled two shopping bags for her so that I wouldn't have to worry about bag failure and broken jars.  Now that's a giving team member.  The clerk mentioned that she loved the sauces I was buying and gave me some ideas for some added ingredients.  She then offered to sign me up for their newsletter so that I could keep up on cooking classes and receive recipes and cooking tips.  All in all a nice experience for me, and a good sale to someone who was just intending to browse.

So, here's what impressed me.  The clerk was alert to our needs and quick to respond.  We were greeted as guests as soon as we entered.  The store displays were interesting and appealing.  I loved the way the co-worker supported the person helping us and I enjoyed her pleasant conversation.  Basically, we were treated like welcome guests and it was effortless.

It's easy to transfer that to a dental office.  It's actually easier because we're familiar with our patients and can keep notes on their preferences and special occasions.  Make it a habit to pass on information so that everyone gets a chance to impress.  Then let the word of mouth advertising do the rest.

 

 

React To Their Humanity

I was driving home the other day and saw a man and his wife walking their dog.  Usually, if it was any other couple, I would just wave and think no more of it.  The husband in this couple made it different.  He used to own a small business in town where I shopped occasionally and he was known for being unfriendly to the point of being unpleasant and rude.  He was so off-putting that I found myself debating, in the few seconds it took to drive toward them, whether I should bother to wave or not.  Silly, isn't it?  What would a wave cost me?  At the point of decision, I decided to wave.   He didn't respond, but his wife smiled and waved back.  As I went on this thought went through my mind;  Don't react to his personality, react to his humanity.

After I had that thought, I felt relieved that I had chosen to do the right thing.  It would have been perfectly justifiable to have gone on without a wave, but it made his wife smile.  She might not get many opportunities to smile, living with someone who seems to begrudge cheerfulness like he seems to.  Then again, maybe she understands the reason for his demeanor and loves him not only in spite of it, but even more because of it.  I don't know, but the possibility calls me to honor their humanity.

I know from personal experience, that we don't know each other's heartaches, disappointments, sorrows, or desires.  People may wear their joys and sorrows on their face, but they hide their scars in their hearts and souls.  Disappointment may crush the spirit and make each day an effort, but each day arrives, over and over again and must be lived.  It just may be that the way we meet and treat each other, can give someone who is struggling strength and hope.  You never know when a kind word can lift a bruised and battered heart and shine a light where there seemed no hope of happiness.  

It doesn't matter who we are, what we have, where we're from.  Our humanity is our common bond.  Whether we are the cheerful, grateful patient, or the unpleasant curmudgeon, we have our humanity to unite us.  She's annoying, he's too loud, she's lazy, he's a grouch, that's ok, we can care for them anyway, their personality doesn't have to blind us to their need for love.  We just have to fight the urge to react to the personality they're wearing on the outside and find even a glimmer of the human being that they are.  If you can do it, you will make a difference, even if you never know it, and you will be happier for it.

I'm not a Pollyanna, I struggle every day, throughout each day to do this myself.  I fail often, but I keep renewing my determination to treat others with understanding and patience.  I have been facing life-changing, heart-breaking events myself in the last year and I know what the kindness of others can do.  A smile from a stranger for no reason is uplifting.  An embrace from a friend is a reminder that I am lucky.  I realize that we can rescue someone who is struggling from despair. Dealing with pain and receiving the grace of kindness from others, has been a gift because I have gained the awareness of the power of compassion.  Who will you grace with your compassion?  Maybe it will be a friend, a spouse, a child, a co-worker, a patient or a stranger, but what greater good is there?  Even a wave can have an impact that we may never know, but we can hope to do some good each day.  It's the hope that makes us human and the grace that makes us good.

Great Attitude Moment of the day

Isn't it great when you see a staff member go above and beyond?  We've had a good bit of snow here in NC, and it doesn't take much to shut everything down.  We were closed yesterday and planned to close today.  About halfway through the morning I realized that we actually could have gone in for the afternoon.  When I called my boss to see what he thought, he told me that a patient had just called with a broken tooth so it would be a great idea to go in and take care of her.  We had three hygiene patients that needed to come in for recall before the end of the week, as well, so I called one of our hygienists, Julie, to see if she could come in.

She said that she didn't think her roads were passable and I could hear that she felt bad about it.  I told her not to worry about it and prepared to go to work.  Within a few minutes, she called and said her husband would bring her in.  Now, she could have easily stayed home and enjoyed a day off.  She wanted to do what was good for the patients and practice enough to make the effort, even though I wouldn't have thought anything about it if she didn't come in.  That's a really committed staff member and we're lucky to have her.  

Back To Aristotle - Goodness

"Ethics is all about spiritually healthy people in socially harmonious relationships."  ~Tom Morris~

 

When I read Tom's definition of ethics I can't help but think that we can't have one without the other.  A spiritually healthy person will quickly reject and leave a socially unharmonious workplace...or she will eventually become spiritually unhealthy.  By the same token, a spiritually unhealthy person will cause disruption in a socially harmonious workplace.  She will either be asked to leave, or the workplace will soon become full of discord and the harmony will be destroyed.  

Take a minute right now and think, do you have spiritually healthy people working harmoniously in your practice?  Are you spiritually healthy?  Do you bring goodness into the atmosphere and culture of your practice?  It doesn't matter if you are the owner, the manager, the hygienist, the assistant, the patient, or the person who cleans the office;  you get what you bring and you make it what you bring.  Your attitude of goodness, or not, will determine your experience.  

Tom explains that when he talks about spirituality in this sense, he is talking about the inner person.  Who and how are you in there?  Are you whole, stable and strong?  Are you willing and interested in growing as a person?  As for harmony, he explains that it is not a state in which there is no conflict, rather a state in which conflicts can be discussed and dealt with in a respectful, open atmosphere with a desire to understand and learn.  

Sometimes goodness is about small things, things like manners.  So often we think of "manners" as being an old-fashioned word, something our grandmother cared about.  Who has time to worry about feelings, when we are so busy?  The reality is this:  how we make people feel will make or break us so we better take or make the time to make them feel good.  Of course, the popular wisdom these days is that we can't make anyone feel a certain way.  I think that's ridiculous.  If you slap someone you've affected how they feel about you.  Most of the time they won't feel like you're very nice at that moment.  If you smile at them sincerely, they will usually feel good about you.  It's called being human.  So, think the manners in your practice.  Often, we hear clinical staff referring to the patient on their schedule as "my patient".  That is who they put there focus on in that hour.  Many times they walk blindly past other patients or don't even notice them in the waiting room.  Slow down and be sure to recognize each patient with a smile or greeting.  Otherwise, they will start to feel that you're not sincere with them.  

We need to create a climate or culture of goodness in our practice and that begins with the staff.  Does everyone respect what everyone else does?  I remember a new front desk assistant that we had about 7 years ago.  She seemed to have a defensive attitude toward patients and they felt it.  If someone was a minute late, she gave them a disapproving look.  If a patient had a problem, she was quick to try to make it the patient's fault.  I realized quickly that she was going to need an attitude adjustment if she'd have any chance to survive with us.  My attempt to talk to her was met with defensiveness and the impression I got was that she thought I was misinterpreting her behavior.  I let her know that our expectations for the way our patients and staff should be treated must be met.  The deciding incident came one evening when our long term cleaning person arrived to clean the office at the end of the day.  The employee was demeaning and disrespectful to her.  It was unprovoked and inappropriate and it told us what we needed to know.  There was not enough goodness in her at that time to work for us.  It was evident in the way she treated someone who she felt had nothing to offer to her.

Have you worked with your staff to develop harmony?  Do they know that they can come to you with any problems or complaints and be heard, and that you'll come to a solution that you all can live with?  You have to keep at it and take the "temperature" of your practice on a regular basis.  Don't let the goodness element slip, it's easy to become complacent once you get to a level where people are satisfied.  Contentment can lead to decline if you ignore the need to pay attention.  Goodness must be sown at home, cultivated consistently and then the benefits are endless.  

Great Attitude Moment of the Day

Just a quickie. I'm going to start posting great attitude moments whenever I catch someone on our staff being particularly wonderful. This morning I noticed that our new young front desk assistant has some pretty funky nail polish on. We're pretty conservative about staff appearance and those nails would be better left for the weekend. When I mentioned it at the end of the day she immediately said, "Say no more, I completely understand. I'll just wear basic polish from now on." Huh? I was ready for drama and was delighted to be met with a mature response. now that's an attitude that impresses me. Way to go Ericka! Feel free to send me great attitude moments from your day and I'll post those, too.